Monday, December 31, 2012

Quote of Week 1-

Not that last year was a failure, but there were many disappointments that distracted me from my long term goals. We all have set-backs. It is about how fast you bounce back from those set backs that make a difference. I had a lot of personal work to do between my ears.

For those of you going through what my therapist called a "perfect storm" that created depression in my world, don't wait to get help that was my biggest mistake. But from my mistake, I have emerged a stronger person who has learned much about who I really am.

Here is how I am going to begin again more intelligently-
  • I live mindfully in the present.
  • I choose to live proactively rather than re-actively.
  • I am will forever live with an attitude of gratitude.
Happy New Year!
May 2013 be the best year ever!

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Work in Progress: DRAFT of my personal mission statement

Here is my first draft of my mission statement for 2013-

My purpose is to be proactive, responsible and kind by prioritizing and focusing on what is most important by using my creativeness and imagination to solve problems, and all interactions come with self-awareness and positive intentions of being kind to myself and others, to rebuild a solid foundation in my relationships and taking care of my physical and mental health while maintaining a balance between my home and work life.

There is a lot packed into that paragraph. I am going to let it sink in and see if I can live with it. There is one thing that I need to add into that mission statement, which is to have fun with life and not take myself or things so personally or so seriously.
I really need to lighten up and laugh at more at my funny little idiosyncrasies and swiss cheese brain that I have. It is so hard for me not to be hard on myself. There is a harsh critic that sits on my shoulder and in the last year I have learned to be more accepting and more compassionate toward myself. I need the critic so that I can continuously improve my skills and practices. I have accepted that I am constantly a work in progress. My perfectionism issues are turning into focusing on excellence. It is leading me to a very different way of living.
I realized that I had been living a life that was spouse-centered and it was ok for awhile, but now I am working on being principle centered. I'm studying this from the book "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Steven Covey. It is a revisit for me since I started with this book 18 years ago as a new classroom teacher trying to figure out my direction.
Here I am again trying to figure out my direction again. I have gone through some identity changes from being just a wife to being a wife and mother to one and then, to two wonderful kids. My work roles have changed as well and my identity has changed from classroom teacher to teacher leader to district coach. I never thought of these identities changes who I am, but they have impacted me more than I have ever thought possible in a positive way. I don't give myself credit for what I should because I have been living in the shadow of my spouse. In hind site, I have accomplished a lot as a working mom contributing to my share to the household expenses and I am proud of myself for all that I have done. I just never have had the time to give myself a pat on the back nor have I properly celebrated all the things that I have accomplished recently- I was on committee for the NSTA national conference and got to go to Washington DC to plan for it. I got my credential for teaching science k-8 and I just got an honorarium for being part of the GLOBE project, which got me a trip to the University of Alaska and Denali in the summer of 2011.
As a mother, I have become the fun, creative, imaginative mother who listens with empathy and seeks to understand before being understood. The end in mind with my children is that they become strong emotionally, mentally, socially and physically resilient adults. So, recently every interaction with them I have become acutely aware of my body language and my words. Kids will act out what they see and hear so I need to be a responsible model to them.
Yes, I have gained more wisdom and more patience through the years. I am looking at rescripting the bad habits and not live a resentful, angry life in the shadow of my spouse. Through self-awareness I have been surprised to find my strength to stand up and be clear with my thoughts, needs and with things that offended me. I have found comfort in my own grieving and my own suffering through self-compassion and self-forgiveness. Through the changes of mental practices I have learned that meditation, prayer, mindfulness and acceptance has made me more insightful and empowered. I was playing the part of a victim to my own depression and anxiety, but through careful guidance from friends, family and support groups and counseling I am emerging from my cocoon and I am just starting to spread my wings to fly to the light of renewal of my spirit. 2013 is going to be an awesome year!
So for me in the next days this is my focus-
Dare to Dream Again

Looking forward...

Friday, December 28, 2012

Work in Progress: Writing a Personal Mission Statement

In preparation for the new year, I am rescripting my personal mission statement. I am right now collecting notes from the past year, quotes and ideas that I will use as resources for writing my personal mission statement.

Here are quotes that I copied from the internet to get me started-

1. Everything is practice
2. Do your best
3. Never give up
4. Be here now
5. Focus and win
6. Do it now
7. Believe you can
8. Action gives results
9. Dare to dream
10. Inches make champions
11. Success is yours
12. Be the change
13. Friends are treasures

The following are from Buddha-

"The mind is everything what you think you become."

"You have no cause for anything, but gratitude and joy."

"Life is so very difficult. How can we be anything, but kind."

I am not sure how long this personal mission statement will take me to write. I have done this before and it was transformational then because it was a complete and concise expression of my internal values and gives me a feeling of empowerment over my life. When I was disciplined and read it daily it was a source of insight and constant reminder of my commitment to myself. In doing this personal mission statement, I become a hero in my own life instead of being driven by everything that happens to me; proactive or response-able instead of reactive and emotional.
I spoke with Mo the other day and I decided that this weight loss thing is an inside job first. I have had a really difficult year of personal struggle in 2012. There was no hiding from my dark friend depression and anxiety. Never fear, I have dealt with these before and I know now what to do to keep them at bay now: self-compassion, and self-forgiveness are the keys to freedom here.
I am hopeful in 2013. And so very sure that it will be an AWESOME year! I am on a kind, tender journey to self-growth and this will be the best investment that I make for myself in the new year.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Here is some of the ways I stayed happy this holiday

I have been struggling with stress issues at home and at work. The holidays can be stressful so here are the ways that I stayed sane, but I realize that I need to keep these practices throughout the year.  I copied and pasted these from my Facebook as a reminder to us all. 

You Can Do It!
Holiday Happiness: 
Days 17-24- Spend quality time with the people you love. This week I have been with my family and close friends. There is nothing better in life than saying,"I spent my time with the people who mean the most to me." That is a blessed life well spent.

Day 14, 15, 16: Unplug yourself from the media. I knew what happened in CT and was very sad about it, but had to stay away from the news. Hug the ones you love everyday and always tell them you love them.

Day 13- Wish upon a star. Geminid Meteor Shower in progress. Go out and see a falling star- dust particles hitting the atmosphere, but oh so pretty! The perfect time to start dreaming and wishing again. :)

Day 12- Write it down. Thinking that the world is going to end on 12-21-12? Writing my woes always provides me relief.

Day 11- Keep perspective. In the big picture of things how will this stress of today matter in a month? a year? The craziness of the season can make the small things feel big. Zoom out and see the it as a whole rather than a slice.

Day 10- When having a hard day remember your other identities- When I feel like a horrible wife, I remember my HSU friends and start planning our 25 year reunion, or I remember that I am a great mother to 2 beautiful children. If I have a hard time at work then I go to dinner with my girlfriends who love me for who I am. 

Day 9: Pet Something Fluffy. Animals can calm you down. Pet and tell them your troubles. They are good listeners. We adopted a fluffy bunny named Tribble. Looking forward to much hoppiness with our bunny. 
Day 8: Be distracted on purpose. Instead of dealing with the stress of the holidays distract yourself with something you enjoy. I'm at the movies with my daughter tonight. 

Day 7- Live in the present. Notice all that is around you. Take in with all your senses the joy of the moment this holiday season.  

Day 6- Stay in Contact. When you are stressed out or having a lousy day. It is best to stay in contact with people you are close with. Not that I had a bad day, but felt so much better after talking to my sister, mother-in-law and son's godfather. 

Monday, December 24, 2012

Happy Happy Happy Holidays


HAPPY 2013 - 

Your blogging buddies - Mo and Mer

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Wednesday Wrap Up

I have been going to bed Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too late every evening and I have been paying for it for quite sometime. Last night was not exception. However, I had the best morning. When my 11  year old saw that I was moving really slow he did the best thing for me. Told me to stay in bed until he had to go to school - well, I did just that. And was smiling from ear to ear when I was hearing that 11 year old in the other room - making his bed, preparing his breakfast and then making his lunch for school. It was the most wonderful morning.

More looking for full-time work was on the agenda, and I think I might have knocked on a few more doors today that might give me that Christmas miracle I am searching for. My son and I finished up our "craft" projects for our Family celebration - I sill have about 90% of my items to finish up, but the box to be mailed to my East Coast sister is ready to go to the post office tomorrow - so knocked that off my list.

We had the best dinner we have had in a long time. Yes, it was just spaghetti, but I was proud at how I made dinner. I had every pot on the stove and was thrilled that I was cooking up the chicken for tomorrow's dinner at the same time. We even had broccoli that was so good and yummy I want to have more - go figure - the desire to have more vegetables, that is awesome.

The next best thing that happened today was that I got to SEW today. My son is in Scouts and now has many patches that have to be put onto his sash and was excited to know that my neighbor is so willing to teach me the finer points of getting those patches on. I was so thrilled with my accomplishment. Got 5 patches on and then had to re-do one just to make it look much better. Learned to take it all apart and start again. It has been an awesome day.

Heading out to lead my Scout leaders for their monthly training session. Wishing everyone a great evening.


Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Staying Upbeat

I didn't get a chance to get in my morning workout - I swear - I do want to get back to that on a regular basis. However, I did make sure that I parked my car in the parking garage downtown today. Took the more than 4 block walk to do my volunteer work at the chamber. Then after I had an appointment at another location downtown. I took another 4 blocks to get to that and then did my 6 blocks back to the car. I did all of this in my heels and my feet are not complaining. It feels good to get out and get in that little bit of exercise. Motivation to do more.

My afternoon appointment was with a temporary hiring agency. I have been getting "tested" for office work, so that I can get some money coming in and possibly get a full-time job out of this process. I was thrilled to see that I was doing data entry at over 13,000 strokes a minute and then my typing test turned out to be 67 WPM, with only one error - thus, at 66 WPM. I have always been a fast typing kind of gal, but it is nice to see the numbers on paper and have the confidence to know that I am doing a good job and that eventually someone will notice my hard work, dedication, speed and accuracy and take me in for an interview - thus, then hiring me.

Going to get in the workout this evening !!!

Have a Terrific Tuesday!!


Sunday, December 9, 2012

Keeping Busy Busy Busy Busy Busy....

The title of my post does not lie. I have been keeping busy. I wish I could say that I have been busy losing weight, but that is not the case. I am not kicking myself, but am a bit upset that I have allowed myself to not be on the weight loss train. I am doing my best to get back on and just keep telling myself "I think I can" "I think I can"

Today marks my 10th month of being without a full-time job. I never thought I would be marking that date into my own calendar. Crazy how it can go so fast, but at the same time so slow. I have been out on several interviews, but none of them have produced a second option or even an offer. That is more then I can say for others that are out there looking for work or struggling. I also can't really say that I have had a hard time of this - money wise. I am keeping it all in check. My unemployment has been coming in and I was given the option to get my mortgage paid by a State funding program, so I am keeping my head above water. However, I never thought that I would be out of work this long.

I have volunteered here, there and everywhere - and still nothing. So - onto the next step - signing up for several "temp" agencies and knowing that they will get me out to work - even if it is a temporary job. Have done that before. In the midst of all this not working stuff, I finally made myself a list of things to do around the house and accomplishments I wanted to obtain. Kind of like a "to do" Bucket list. I am getting it done. Keeping the list to only weekend time, when my son is not around. And boy - what a great feeling to see that things are getting marked off the list. It feels good and once the list is complete then who knows what might happen next!! Kind of my way of saying that before I complete the list I will be back to work.

Here is my latest accomplishment - the Spare bedroom. Not 100% done and there are still a few boxes that I have to organize and sort through, but to be able to sweep up the floor in over a year was a WOW moment for me  - (tried to find a Before and After picture - I know there was a Before...oh, well, you will just have to see the after). Yes - that is my elliptical machine - so now that it is in a room that is clean there is not question that I will be using it - no excuse!!!!

Can't write more - have to get out and deal with the front and backyard mess that the rain and weather brought to my yard last week. I don't even have any trees on my property, but the nice house next door has left me a treat. And I am not going to use the air blower - it will be good old fashion sweeping and racking to get that yard clean. Good Cardio!!

More to write later - have a GREAT SUNDAY!!!