Thursday, November 29, 2012

Sending A Shout Out to....

....all the Mom's out there - single, married - Mom, Grandma - you know who you are -

Here's to you...........

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Just Because...

Saw this today and could not resist in posting it!! Hope you are having a Spectacular Week!!!

And for the record - I NEVER look good after any of my workouts, but need to look more of a disaster if I want to make a difference in my weight loss!! And when I see this sign I have a good chuckle - thinking of the one time I was at the gym and heard a lady say - "can you please turn up the air conditioner, my makeup is running"


Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Difficult Climb right now

All over the place with this email - hope I do conclude it well...............

This week has had its ups and downs. I am doing my best. Today was the worst. I get into these little states of heavy sighing moments, the crying and the well, don't want to do anything moments. Today was one of those days.

I did - however- take in two walks. I did a 2.5 mile walk with my neighbor at 9 am. Got home and went back to bed. Had a reasonable lunch and then did some odd and ends on the computer. Got all frustrated when there still was not much work to apply for, the one job I did apply for I had submitted my resume for about 2 months ago (what are they waiting for - have the stupid interviews already -  I am more then qualified for the job, even if it is a night shift). Two more jobs surfaced and I have to wait two more days to actually apply for one before they start to accept outside applicants. Hey, it will go on the "to do" pile. As I thought I was just about the loss it for the day, my sister came home. She is staying with me for a few days (which has been nice) and she got home early from work and off we went for our 2.5 mile walk.

As I was taking this second walk I was in a huge state of heavy sigh moments. Just kept sighing and sighing and well, not really sure why I was doing that, but all at the same time actually knew that I needed to sigh to get some of the emotions out of me. I wanted to break down and cry. I am still not working and well, I know what I need to do to help my thinking. I need to be happy with me. I need to work out and help my state of mind, but working out is not what I want to do right now. Having a workout buddy is so helpful right now.  I really want that job to come knock on my door, offer me the work and off I will go each morning. Well, that is wishing upon a star that is far far off in the galaxy right now.

I will say, that at the end of the walk I did not want to cry anymore. I was not sighing and I did not reach for a candy bar to comfort my pain.

I then had a very good dinner. Did not go for seconds and well, the temptation of dessert was far from my mind.

But then, for some reason I got on the computer again. You see, I am now the President of my sons' schools' PTA - I sort of went kicking and screaming into doing this position and now I know why. A new email surfaced the other day that told me I had to submit some sort of paperwork for some sort of number that the State will issue. Well, tonight I decided to tackle this email. I really should have not done that. I love to volunteer, but this time I am not in love with this type of position.

As I sit typing and being mad at the world of PTA right now I hear my stomach talking. I think, am I hungry? Nope, I know what it is - my stomach is adjusting. That is a good thing. I had a friend years ago that got the Bypass Surgery (she really thought and researched this long and  hard before doing it) and as she was losing the weight and kept losing her stomach would always do some heavy "talking" We figured out that it was her stomachs way of saying "I am adjusting" - "I am okay - just need to realize you are not eating all that you used to it - and that is a good thing". I love it when my stomach talks to me.

So, as the clock turns 9 pm I could turn to the kitchen and get something to take the edge off of my anxiety of not having a full-time job (or even a job for that matter) or that I am upset with my PTA duties or that I didn't get the house cleaned (again) today - but no, I am going to head to bed and make sure I count my blessings -

I got in a good workout today. I drank all my water today. I am healthy. My son is healthy. I have a home to keep me warm. I have family and friends that care. I am who I am for the time being and I will not let my emotions control my eating.

Yes, I am having a difficult climb up my ladder of weight loss success, but for the time being I am still climbing and I might have struggles from time to time, but I will pat myself on the back when victory is mine!!! This too will pass. I will be stronger and better (and thinner) for it!!!!


Monday, November 5, 2012

Back at it!!!

I think my life is slowing down - I hope - I wish - and I really want it to. I have been so busy doing so many things for so many other people that when it is time for me that I don't even have the time for me.

I lost my job in February and am still searching for work (I know, I know - I keep mentioning this, but my posts seem so far apart I don't want you to forget and well, this is the longest I have ever been out of work, unless you count being in school - I have worked almost non-stop for over 30 years, so this is not the new "norm" for me). I had hoped to have lost the extra pounds by now, because I have so much time on my hands, but for some reason I am always finding something else to do but exercise. Well, this past month has been too much for me. Or I guess I could say the last two months. There is soccer to juggle, the need to have homework done, I moved on from Cub Scouts and am proudly trying to help my son with his Boy Scout journey, which means I don't have to do much. Which then means that I seemed to become the PTA president for his school. Which also means that I was volunteering to help with a Scout dinner and well, the list has been crazy. Not to forget to mention that I decided to go work at the local Chamber of Commerce to hopefully get a real job, and that is taking up time. The PTA thing - what a mess - if it isn't a fund raiser, it is cutting up Box Tops, or doing Lunch on the Lawn for the students, or what about Movie Night. Or what about the Fall Festival and the one Mom that wanted to have a Basket Raffle. Or even juggling the parents - that is a single job in itself. My house is a mess, there was one week that if I didn't stop for a moment and do the laundry I would have been going "commando" and well, that is not a pretty site in this house. I finally got to take a breath this weekend. Sunday was a PJ day and I have not had one of those in I don't know how long. The only factor that changed it was that my sister is now staying with me for a few days - that I did not expect, happy to have her, and I am adapting. Heard that my son might be coming down with a cold, so that is another thing to deal with today (if he makes it to the end of the school day) - as he was with his father for the past few days.

I did have a job interview on Friday. I felt it went well, but there are 14 other people hoping for the job, too. So we will see. I have another interview of sorts next week for the City and I really want that job to work out. Found several other jobs to apply for this weekend and well, have to stay on top of that if I want to continue to get my support and well, I do want a job - it isn't going to come knocking on my door. Looking for a job is a job all by itself. Sigh!!!

Finally able to breath easier and I am seeing the light of my ways. That I am not taking care of myself. That I really need to come first. If I take care of myself FIRST, then things will all start to fall into place. The job offers will come in, I will have a clean house, I will feel more confident and energized. Took in a 2.5 mile walk yesterday and did it again today. I need and WANT to get this weight off. I am under a lot of stress and I know that working out is going to help me feel better. It was really nice to have a walking buddy today, but I also have to realize that even if I don't have a walking buddy I still need to get in my 30-40 minutes a day.

I know what needs to be done - I WILL be doing it!!! Wishing everyone the best of luck this week in whatever you try to accomplish and my all your goals be met today!!!

Another post tomorrow- this is so good for me -


Friday, November 2, 2012

De Ja Vu Moment

Actually, I don't think it is that kind of De Ja Vu - it might be disappointment, or kicking myself or what the heck happened moment!!

I have just read my posts from November of last year - like this one -

and again I was saying to myself - what the heck happened - or am I re-living the moment? Because this morning - as I was turning another year older I was doing it again - dedicating my weight loss to my age - what - not again !!!! I found myself saying "45 pounds" for my 45th year - isn't that how I started last year (but one number off) and that I never hit that number? Am I going to hit that number this year - and maybe even 5 extra more????

I have been and have wanted to blog about it for weeks - but I am letting life get in the way. Actually - I am letting the fact that I am taking care of others and not myself first is what is getting in the way. I have been doing some sole searching, trying to figure out where I am in all of this being unemployed moment. I am hurt, ashamed, annoyed, frustrating and I know what I need to do - why am I not doing it. The blog had been so helpful - so that is step 1 - getting back to it!!

Saw myself in the mirror tonight at the restaurant we were eating at - and I was shocked at what I saw. With each passing bite I forced myself to look in the mirror. I wanted to make sure I was watching myself eat. It was horrific. I was disgusted, annoyed and kept saying over and over in my head - how in the world have I gotten this big - how come I am not smaller - what am I doing to my body. I NEED to lose weight - I WANT to lose weight. Again - having that DeJaVue Moment (am I spelling that right- oh, you know what I mean).

Want to write more, but have a most important tomorrow. A job interview that I am in the dark about. Maybe that is a good thing. For one, the phone message - I thought they guy said his name was John  - nope, it is Renaldo - how did that happen. I normally print out the jobs that I am applying for - and this one, must have skipped that step - don't really have a list of what they are looking for, but do have a good idea of what they will be looking for. I figure this - the other jobs that I have interviewed for - I am been fully prepared, got myself all worked up and well - if I am at the opposite end for this newest "meet & greet" then I will be getting the job - right??? Keeping positive all is going to go well - and what that I will head to sleep and get back to never having a DEJAVUE moment in regards to my weight loss again - looking forward to moving in the right direction (again)