Monday, September 24, 2012

I want to be further!!!!!

My 45th birthday is coming up. Just a little bit around the corner and the closer it gets the more frustrated that I get with myself. I want to be further in my weight loss journey. I want to be in a smaller size by my birthday. I want to be healthier. I want to not be the size I am now. I want, I want, I want - that is the fact - the fact that I want!!! If I want to get the brace ring, I have to be the one that reaches for it. I have to be the one that does the work. I have to be the one that can show my body who is boss!!! BUT, what is holding me back? The fact that I have to exercise? The fact that I should be counting my calories? What are the facts? Why can't I stick to the facts? The fact of the matter is that I MUST be working out everyday. I MUST be watching my calorie intake. I MUST be drinking ALL of my water every single day. I need to be doing all of this for me so that I can be further in this journey. I have to be the one that gets it done everyday, every single minute of the day...yes, it is going to be hard, a struggle and require determination, but if I am tired of being the size that I am, then I need to be the one that gets it done!!!

This is me at the moment - frustrated - annoyed - pissed - angry - going to channel all that energy into making it all go away and soon I will be thrilled - happy - smiling - overjoyed!!!!

I will be further - going to get it done!!!


Thursday, September 20, 2012

Exercise, Water and Feeling Good

This morning was rough. I went to bed Waaaaaaayyyyyyyy too late last night (or too early this morning) and well, getting out of bed was a huge chore. I am not sure why I didn't just head to bed. Maybe wanted a veg out moment. The good part was that I did not munch.

The morning was rough, but was thrilled that my 11 year old son got himself up, got dressed, made his own breakfast (okay, it was just cereal, but still) and he got himself ready for school. That helped. I was scheduled to do a walk with the neighbor ladies and had a moment that I thought - nope - not going to do it. But, instead, I put on my exercise clothes, came home, watered the one plant I have in the house before it completely dies (had to mention it, because I have had it for three/four years and really need to remind myself to put it into a new planter - it will love me for that) and then headed out to meet the ladies.

The weather is turning here - more crisp and cool - which I really enjoy. Not too hot, not too cold, just right. I met up with my across the street neighbor - K - and we were to meet with B and D. No B today, as she has come down with the flu. I have only walked with D a few times and with K I have to sort of keep up. Well, we then met up with a third lady and for some reason I knew I was going to be in for a workout. When I walk with K I sometimes have to swing my arms to get myself to move a bit faster to keep up. These two new ladies - the rhythm was fast and I mean fast. A few times I felt like I needed to jog. I was sweating, and a good sweat.

My legs were hurting, my foot started to have pain, with a new shoe I think I might be forming a blister - maybe I have not broken in the shoe good enough yet. This was good, for sure. We walked down the one street to the Rail Road Tracks, then turned down the side street to go past the fancy houses, getting the barking dogs all loud and such. Then back down to head to home. I was slowing down, but had to keep moving those arms to stay up to pace. I was still sweating. Kicked myself for not putting my long hair into a pony tail (which by the, my hair is finally growing at a bit faster pace - I think by Springtime I will be able to cut it and donate it to Locks of Love - a long time goal I had set for myself some three years ago - since I had to grow out the bleached blond, get it the right cut and now finally, it is growing a bit faster) - but I am getting off track - just saying - should have pulled it back into a pony tail.

Legs pumping, arms swinging, even trying my best to keep talking from time to time, but I could hear myself huffing and puffing. Just as we were going to head home and I thought I was in the homestretch - K asked if I wanted to do the Loop in the gated neighborhood. What the heck, why not? I don't have to really be anywhere today (yes, still job hunting). We said our good-byes to the other two ladies and ventured past the gate and down the road some more. I was feeling really good. Was so glad that my lack of sleep did not slow me down. Made it home. Replenishing myself with water, water, and more water. Our short 2 mile walk turned into close to 4 miles. Woo Hoo!!

It is wonderful to have walking buddies, but even more wonderful to keep reminding myself that exercising each day is the key. Without exercise where am I going with this weight loss? And not just casual, workout for some 20 minutes and say I worked out exercise. Each days workout needs to be sweating moments. At times huffing and puffing. Finish with a bang and then have a bit aches and pains the next day. Soon your body will be thanking you. And without exercising how am I going to maintain my positive attitude in this job hunting market I am in - or for that matter - my everyday living. Then to add water to the mix - oh, my body is loving me right now.

What good thing have you done this week that has inspired you??


Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Walk those pounds away!!!

I went for a walk - a really long walk - for the first time in several weeks. I had been going with the ladies in the neighborhood, but when school started we sort of stopped. One of the other ladies was dealing with family issues and well, we just seemed to let it drop off.

This morning was a good walk. Even with two kids in tow (they had the day off) we did really well. As the kids rode bikes, my friend and I kept walking. We walked past the middle school, into the gated community, down the road and pass the barking dog that just goes crazy no matter who passes, up to the railroad tracks,  then back down the road again. Before we knew it we were heading down the next lane that made the walk even longer then anticipated. I was not going to let my aching slow me down. I knew I was going to hurt at the end of the walk. I think we did a good 3.5 walk this morning.

Yep - feeling the pain a little bit. Even if I am working out, this pain is a good pain. Not only did I get in a good walk, but I got to vent about my week - and it is only 1/2 over.

Two rejections this week - more applications going out - trying my best to be a good Mom, but this week is very trying.

Really looking forward to a girls weekend away. Get to see Mer, spend sometime with my little sis ---- let's see what the rest of the week holds.

For sure going to add walking back into my routine. Walking again tomorrow!!!!


Monday, September 17, 2012

The Highs and the Lows

Last week was full of many Highs and a few Lows. Overall it was a good week. More Highs then Lows...for sure!! Always good to reflect at what made your week go well or bad. 

High - Getting a Cold Call for my online resume posting and having an interview. I feel like it went well, but do believe that I won't be getting the job. Overqualified, as I think she really was looking for an entry level person that would grow with the company, as the company grows. I am not losing hope, as I have not received a rejection email, phone call or letter yet. 

High - My unemployment benefits were extended. 

Low - I had to get the Summer Social ready for the PTA event at school. The weather was a bit warm, so I knew I was going to be sweating. Unloading cars, going into the storage unit that was very warm. I was dripping wet. It made me realize that I am not working as hard as I could be on the exercising factor. If I was working harder at home, then the "workout" at the school would not have brought so much attention to me. People were stopping me in the hallway asking if I was okay. Then seeing me at the food table brought some attention to me. I was embarrassed and was getting very self conscious. 

High - Getting my eating under control more. I feel good. Have had very limited munching. Eating more vegetables and have incorporated some soups into my meal plan. Can't wait to do my grocery shopping today and grab some more fruits and vegies to my week. 

High - Having a blind date on Friday night. It was truly a blind date, only knowing very little about the gentleman. I was not nervous until the very last minute. I had my outfit picked out in the middle of the week and was happy to say that I did not change it when I finally put it on that evening. I was feeling confident, even with a small little blemish on my face (wouldn't you know it - that was a bit of a Low). Was thrilled to have an evening out with gentleman. I go out often with the girls and do see men, but there is never a "date". This was going to be a good night. Even if I end up just meeting a new friend. Was happy that my girlfriend thought of me in making this set-up happen. Double date with my girlfriend, too. 

Low - The blind date ended up being an evening out with 4 other people. The guys brought a girlfriend of theirs. I am not sure if this was to help them feel more comfortable or what. The other gentleman was just friends with my girlfriend and maybe he didn't want my friend to feel like this was an actual date between the two of them, but I was a bit confused why they brought the third wheel. This lady proceeded to get very drunk and said some insulting words to me and my friend at the end of the evening. Overall I had a good night, there was no spark and he did not ask for my number. A good evening to meet friends, but for sure won't do it again (with that group).

This is going to be a good week. Looking forward to what this week has in store for me.

What were some of your Highs and Lows? Look at the positive!!! 


Thursday, September 6, 2012

The evil moments....

Okay - so I have figured it out - Boredom is the root to all evil. I have been working pretty much non-stop today at this and that and that and this. Then I look up at the clock and think that it is much later then it really is. What, I have two more hours before I have to be somewhere today. This is so cool. I am getting stuff done. I hit a few walls, but in the long run I have been pretty productive today. Even applied for one job  today - hey, it is better then nothing at this point.

Actually, it really is not boredom that is evil, it is the fact that I allow myself to not stay occupied. I can be watching TV and I feel the need for a snack. I am waiting for the internet to move faster and I feel the need to munch while I wait. I can be paying bills and sometimes the snack attack will be on, or even filling out paperwork. The fact is,  I think I just need to keep 100% of my body moving at all times. Or maybe that is not it. I can sit and read blogs and not truly want a snack. But, then again I am never bored when I am reading blogs.

Last night I was veging in bed and just flipping the channels - yes, bad idea to have the TV in my room - but it is there for the moment.....and I found that "boredom" was setting in or just me wanting to munch. This has been one of my worst evil moments in years past, more so the last few months and I am allowing the evil moment to win. Well, last night I was so strong. I kept avoiding the need to munch. I didn't even convince myself that even the little bit of something would take care of the need. Oh, wait - I do have to admit that I did get myself a small glass of milk and added just a hint of chocolate to it. But, that was it. And for me that is triumph. I know I really should have done a cup of tea or another glass of water, but maybe I was looking for that little bit of sweet something....not so sure. All I know was after I had that glass of milk I wanted to go eat something. I didn't. And I kept avoiding the nagging voice in my heat. I won last night - the evil moment did not get the best of me. The overwhelming feeling I had from last nights experience was so empowering. Different then what I have felt before when I have thought that I had mastered the late night munching. There was just something about it - can't really explain it - I can't wait to have to deal with it again, because I know and will beat out the evil moment!!!

I am looking forward to more winning evil moments in the future. Got on the scale this morning and there was a smile on my face!!! Doing well. Keeping up the good work!!!

What evil moment did you conquer recently?


Wednesday, September 5, 2012

We pause for this message about "Life"....

For some of you excited to see another step in my ladder to weight loss triumph, we are pausing for a moment to bring you Mo's life. I am not really sure why I feel the need to let you know what is going on at this moment in time, maybe it is just that time of day where I want to journal or vent or just let you know how I am doing. More so of how I am doing then anything.

For those that are wondering where my other half is of this blog - the Mer - of Mo and Mer...well, she is doing well. We have been connected more so at the hip then anything lately, but on the phone. We talk everyday and are keeping each other upbeat with many things. Mer has started a new job and is trying to get settled in with her new office, space and surroundings, as she had to move her office twice in the last few months. We see each other often and we are both looking forward to a relaxing weekend together in a few weeks at a friends Bed and Breakfast digs. Sending her a big hug today!!!
(Image from Planters Peanuts)

Me - the Mo factor - well, here it is in a nutshell -   

I have been out of work since February 9th. Had some interviews, but nothing has moved to the second interview. I have been surviving on unemployment, a little bit of help from family (and not by me asking) and recently I qualified for a program that is helping pay my mortgage (as long as I am unemployed). I am going a bit stir crazy, but for sure am keeping busy.

When I am not volunteering in my sisters classroom (she teaches 2nd grade) making copies, correcting papers or just lending a hand where needed, then I am - or I can say I was - working on the Cub Scout Day Camp. I successfully ran a program (and can I say single handily....okay - I did have help from a good handful or more of volunteers, but I did a big bulk of the program on my own). We had 177 Scouts come to our camp for three short afternoons and over 110 volunteers last June. I have now "stepped down" and am looking for a replacement. Really wish that someone or even more then just one person or two or three would step up and take on this challenge. If no one does, then I know what might happen, but I don't want to say that or even write it down (more then one person would start yelling at me if I did). 

After doing all of that I also signed up to help at my sons school. I have helped with Lunch on the Lawn events and even the Spring Book Fair. This school year began some 4 weeks ago and now I am calling myself "NOT" the PTA President. Which basically means I AM the PTA president. I am trying to keep my "duties" to one morning a week on that, and doing my best to keep myself in check about it or it will be consuming. 

Then just two weeks ago, when I realized that I had exhausted all of my unemployment payments - yes, I am waiting patiently for the "extension" to come (everyone gets one, right????) I went down to the Chamber of Commerce office and I am now volunteering two days for a total of 4 hours. I am helping cover the front desk during lunch and have been updating a travel data base they have for their travel club. Today was pretty exciting, because even if I didn't feel I got much accomplished I received the best compliment. As I was going over my results for the day with my supervisor she turned to me and said "I really enjoy working with you". I am still sitting here in awe of what she said. Not only did that boost my confidence, but I drove home with a huge smile. I even tried calling her later on in the day to say thank you because it is hard to take a compliment and well, I was a bit taken back that she was saying how much she enjoyed working with me. Shouldn't I be saying that to her? I have also been told that about 70% of their volunteers find full-time employment by just coming in and volunteering at the Chamber. I am loving working there, even if I am not getting paid. I am keeping my hours at a minimum and well, it is nice to be appreciated for only been there for about 4 days now.

I bet you are reading this, man when does this lady ever have time to find work? Well, I feel the networking is my best bet. However, I do spend about 2-3 hours a day on the Internet looking for work. The time extends out more if I actually find something I am not overqualified for, the pay is not going to hit me too much in the pocket book or that I can actually apply and have hopes of getting a response. When the media has said that things are tough out there, they really are not kidding. Overall I am doing well. I do have my moments. Heck, doesn't everyone. Keeping my chin up. 

When I am not looking for work, thinking about having a garage sale to make money, contemplating looking for recycled cans in the garbage to even make a few more extra pennies, then I am dealing with my son. We are busy with Scouts (he has now moved onto the Boy level - which I am so happy for) and selling Scout popcorn for the fundraiser, or selling chocolates for his schools fundraiser (happy to know that I only had one bite of a full bar) or running off to soccer practice....phew - tired. Then my son is 11 and he is growing up. He is experiencing new aspects of that growing up and well, this single Mom is still trying to figure out how to help him through it all. More responsibilities are a struggle each day, for both of us. 

Now I hope that you have not read this and been sad. I am really upbeat, most days. I do have my meltdowns - as Mer could tell you - but overall I am holding my own. I am thrilled that I am making sure things are getting done, projects are being completed and well, this moment of not working will pass. Before you know it I will be working full-time again and I will be pulling out my hair more so now then ever - LOL

Wishing all of you the best of weeks and thank you for reading!!!!!!
Stay tuned for a regularly scheduled ladder step to weight loss success in the coming days.....


Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Steps 8 and 9

Now that you have mastered steps 1 to 7, time to move onto Steps 8 and 9....Come on, its not that hard, you have done well with all the other "up the ladder" moments. You have had some amazing moments, some set backs, but you are not letting those get you down. Time to keep climbing up the ladder of success.

Step 1 - Exercise
Step 2 - Drink your Water
Step 3 - No Fast Food
Step 4 - Do something for you
Step 5 - 100 Things a day
Step 6 - No eating after dinner
Step 7 - Get a full nights sleep (6 - 8)

Step 8 - No Sodas. This can be hard if you are so used to having that can of soda a day. Or even one a week. If you need a Soda, switch over to Diet or Zero zones. What about having a fizzy water. Add lemon to your water or pick a 100 calorie drink as a "treat" for your success of the week. (Be careful, don't go overboard and have 3 of those 100 calorie drinks - it is just as bad as having a soda).
You can do it - take that step.

Step 9 - No Alcohol. Even if you are just a once a month drinker, it is time to shelf this aspect of your life. Once a month can add up to twice a month or three times a month, then you never know you might be giving yourself a way to calm down by having more than one or two in a week. It is just best to cut this out altogether. I am a once a month drinker, but even that once a month I know that I am not being true to myself by adding onto myself the empty calories.

Still climbing and climbing - are you with me?