Monday, January 23, 2012

Wake Up Call - Again

Many have read that I have been feeling out of sorts. Yucky. Wavy. Just not up to par! Doctors visits have been in my calendar for the last week. 

I sort of hate going to the doctor. I will go, but most of the time they say that there is nothing wrong. Like in late 2010 I had some issue that needed to be looked at. I won't go into details, but after all the tests and visits were done they said there is nothing wrong with me. I have thought long and hard about those tests. Yes, it is a good thing that nothing was wrong, that I will not complain about.

Then this last run of tests and visits. The jury is still out with the stress test and heart ultra sound that is to come in the next month, but as of right now there is nothing wrong with me. Here is the email I received from the doctor the other day...(left most of the grammatical errors - LOL)...

i have reviewed your neck ultrasound report as well.
it looks normal.
your thyroid looks generalized enlarged but there are no lumps or tumors in the gland. It is just prominent and that is high why it was noticeable during the exam. Besides we checked the function as well by blood work. The thyroid function is normal as well. So lets just keep an eye on it. If it gets any bigger or you feel any lumps in it, or you are concerned and want to get it rechecked in 6-7 months we can recheck it although the radiologist has not suggested any concerns .
Dr. Qamar, M.D., Dept of Family Medicine

This email is a follow up to my blood tests, too. Not only is my Cholesterol perfect, but there is nothing else waving red flags. Now, I don't feel like they should have found something wrong, but for me I guess I was looking for some sort of answer. In the past week I have felt good some days, bad the next. Today has been a pretty good day, but as the day is progressing I am feeling out of sorts again. Even last night as I was heading into bed I thought I was out of sorts - kind of going to get sick, but not going to get sick moment. (No, no - I am not pregnant - LOL). I do have a tendency not to drink enough water over the weekends, so that might be it. I didn't exercise that much this weekend, so that might be it.

Here is my conclusion - this was another Wake Up Call! I am over weight!! Plain and simple - over weight. For some the wake up call is the broken chair, the pants that can't make it past the hips, the out of breath walking up the stairs moments! For me, it is the fact that the doctor keeps telling me nothing is wrong, but really there is something! Yes, according to the studies out there I am morbidly obese. That's it!!! Straight forward, total conclusion!!! I don't need a doctor or an overpriced insurance bill to tell me this. In fact, after the tests in 2010 I started to lose weight. and that other "ailment" has gone away. I was hesitant to go to the doctor this time because after all was said and done I figured they were going to tell me the same thing - nothing is really wrong. I am grateful that my blood work, x-rays and exams have not found anything wrong with me and I was not hoping that they would say that I had a huge ailment that was going to cause me to miss work or visit more doctors. BUT, This is not a maybe - the fact of the matter - this was A WAKE UP CALL - AGAIN!!! 

Yes, I have been exercising, but I have not been eating as well I should be. I am not doing my 90% to make this weight loss work. No, I have not gone out and bought a gallon of ice cream (been tempted lately), but the other day there was a comment from Kristen where she said that having frustrating appointments would tempt her to cheat. Well, I did. I am not happy about what I did. Not sure if it was because of a huge craving or a weakness or a bad work week- but I do know this - I didn't plan!! I didn't pack my lunch, I didn't avoid the noises in my head and I didn't do it out of spite from the doctor trying to tell me how much better his program is to lose weight, I just did it. Yes, french fries, too! This is a NO EXCUSE year!!! I have to plan, I need to exercise, and if I really want fast food - heck, Subway is fast!!! It is up to me to make wise decisions. If I don't eat right, exercise and be positive about this weight loss process, then the excuses are going to win!! I have to bounce back from this last week!!  

I will go take my stress test in February, but there is no turning back!! I need want to keep moving forward and losing these many extra pounds so that I don't have to go to the doctor and have them keep telling me "your fine", when the whole time I know they just want to say "you really need to lose that weight!!!

Staying MOtivated MO


Maren said...

Firstly, let me say that I'm happy you didn't get any bad news. And secondly, let it be that wake up call. You have started making amazing changes in your life, and if you keep it up your health will get better and better!

Virtual Paul said...

I hate not feeling 100 %. I hope you keep trying on your weight loss journey and are back to 100 % soon!!

Munchberry said...

Ya know Mo - Sigh... I totally understand. I have been in your shoes. It is frustrating, a little scary, upsetting, disturbing, depressing.

It is what made me lose weight. I felt terrible. My rosacea was terrible, I sometimes felt just really BAD, sometimes I would get nauseous and then it would pass - sometimes only if I ate something. I was so tired. I refused to go to the doctor. I sort of semi accepted there was something wrong. Then one day I woke up and faced it. I needed to get serious about my weight. See if that helped. I mean your mind goes to bad places when there is an unknown. I had to take charge of it or... well I am not sure. I was just out of control and unhappy and knew deep down - even though it sometimes made me mad - that I had to try to change what I was putting in me.

Sometimes you sort of need to take the bull by the horns so to speak.

You have lots of support.

EVERYONE has had bad food days. Everyone. No guilt or upset, you just move one.

I sure hope it is just weight. Just weight. Sigh.

Just Me... said...

Anxiety & Stress Mo! Don't be quick to blame the weight...all your numbers are normal...

It could be MENTAL!.. I LOVE YOU!