Monday, August 29, 2011

Yes - there really is a hole....

I am going to admit it - there was a hole in my stomach this weekend. Not sure where it came from, but really - it must have been a big hole. You know the one, the kind of hole where everytime you eat it just lets the goodness roll out and well, you never get full. The kind of hole that just opens up and says - feed me, feed me - but in the long run you don't care what or how much goes into that hole. You figure that the hole will get full, but it is just a bottomless, black swirling hole. I got this hole, I think sometime Saturday afternoon. I am not sure if the hole appeared to be an emotional hole (ok, sort of think it is emotional because of the weekend I had), or a hole of boredom or a non-motivational hole - the fact is that I had a hole and I did not like it!!!!!!!!!

I munched a bit on Saturday. But, Sunday that hole was HUGE. I kept going into the kitchen and would grab one thing, eat it and then a little bit later (sometimes five minutes, sometimes an hour) I would venture back into the kitchen and grab something else to eat. I even found some M&M's in the back of the pantry and munched on those - thank goodness it wasn't a large bag. This went on for a few hours - oh, maybe about 3 hours, I sort of lost track - I am not really sure. That hole just kept filling up, then would empty out, and then I would not feel full. I kept wanting more. The hole started to control my brain and not my stomach. It was telling my brain that I was not full. Oh, you can have another bite of that, how about trying this today. I guess the good part was that when I finally did get out of the house and went grocery shopping that the hole was good to me. I only bought was I was supposed to bye. I didn't even have a list - but I didn't overspend, I didn't get anything bad for me and I for sure did not purchase any candy, sweets or that ice cream I thought would fulfill the hole of desire.

I am going to close up that hole. I need to close up the hole. I am a little upset with myself. I allowed the hole to win. I have come so far - how in the world did that hole appear and how in the world did it win this weekend?!?

Time to do some evaluation. Time to find the drive (again) to keep losing! I don't want to see the hole again. I am going to make sure it does not appear and win me over ever again. Oh - hole - just go away!!!

I did do my best to fix the hole yesterday. After grocery shopping I went swimming for over an hour. I did more leg work then anything and am feeling it this morning. Hot weekend, made for a refreshing fix the hole method!!!

Staying MOtivated MO

PS - Update on my friend and how I wrote just the other day about Julianne. She left us early Saturday morning and is now flying with angels. I will truly miss her and my heart is breaking!! May her boys know that they were loved by a wonderful mother and that she raised them well!!!!


Miss April said...

Love the graphics describing the ever mysterious deep dark hole of hunger that sometimes takes us over. Sorry to hear about the loss of your friends, sending prayers and strength your way!

Karen@WaistingTime said...

Why is it that somedays are so easy and other days... sigh.

Dawn said...

Oh i'm so sorry about Julianne, may she rest in peace x

Julianne left on Saturday and by Sunday you had a huge hole, that didn't feel like it was going to be filled. Might that hole be related to sadness and grief?

Thinking of you and wishing positive things for you

Mer and Mo said...

@Dawn - I do think it was emotional, as I stated above. It could have been the hole of sadness, but I wish I could say it was not. I should have been doing my "to do" list to keep my mind busy and being home alone plays a factor for me, too. I have much to think about as to how the hole can be avoided in the future!

Thank you all for your kind words....MO

Mer said...

There's a hole in the bottom of my stomach! LOL! Sorry Mo I have regressed to singing summer camp songs. I totally understand the the hole thing! You must chew on something, but preferably on gum, ice or some other non-caloric item, but don't get weird on me and start going at chew toys or something!
Stay strong! You can do it!
Always on the move,