When I have a picture taken of me I always see myself different then I am actually am. My size, my makeup (or lack of makeup on days), my hair. At family events when it is time for a picture I make sure that I look good. I fix my hair, touch up my makeup if I have time or should, and for sure I fluff up my hair. Yet, going through my mind as the camera gets ready to go click I am screaming in my head "can I be skinny", or "don't get me from the waist down".....there is nothing I can do to take off the weight before that camera goes click. I like it better when I am ready for a picture, but yet, not ready.
In recent weeks I have come across some pictures of me that I was not aware were taken of me. I was conducting a meeting and a few days later a picture from that meeting was up on the Internet. I was standing off to the side and for a moment I had to catch my breath. "Is that me" - "That can't be me" - "No way" - that really can't be me!!! Wow, do I look like that????
So many questions in my head - how did I get to be that size. Okay - Okay - I know how I got that size, but that isn't me in that picture. That person, who is that??? More Wow's! More catching my breath moments.
Pictures of me standing, that is hard, but pictures of me sitting - even harder to look at!!!! And pictures of me not knowing it - even harder to look at.
Just yesterday as I was sitting at my office desk working my way through a task I happened to look up and see my "team" member (boy, I really don't appreciate that we are called a team, when she really does not contribute to the team effort, sometimes I want to call her lack of work team member...okay, getting off my soap box...this is not what this post is about)...I look up and see that my team member is taking a "Selfie" - you know, those pictures you take from your camera phone holding your arms out in front of your face and smiling and then click and then most of the time you post it on a Social Media site or sent it to someone via a text message or - well, taking a self portrait of your self on your phone. I have a few from a recent trip I took myself when I was in San Diego - my hair blowing in the wind, my sunglasses, a good smile, the ocean in the background - - - so, you get the idea. My first thought about my co-workers selfie was the fact that she was taking a picture of herself during work hours, thinking "aren't you supposed to be working right now" and then my second thought - "OMG, am I going to be in that picture???"
My chair sits at just the right about angle that if you were to take a selfie from my co-workers desk you are going to get me in the picture. Maybe. Or if you were to maneuver it just the right way then you would NOT get me in that picture.
I went back to my work.
Moments later I hear my co-worker laughing with another co-worker. Were they talking about that picture? I tried my best not to pay attention because the work I was doing was important and needed to be done before it was time to go home. Putting aside the fact that my "team" member was not working, but for the pure fact that she was now laughing about a picture that I had a funny feeling was about me. BOY, was I right. She comes over to my desk, smile on her face and laughing. Starts to tell me how she - from time to time - does this other social media thing called "Snap Chat" - a what they call an instant picture you can send out to your "friends", they see it for 10 seconds or so and then the picture is gone (picture being gone, that I don't believe, which is evidenced in the latest news report I heard that Snap Chat is being brought into an investigation about their claim...and/or people can take another instant picture of that snap chat and then send it out using another method of social media - and I quote - Snapchat 'deceived users' about disappearing messages ...
She has taken this Selfie and then with me in the background, sitting at my desk with my head down working she has written my name in the picture (some camera phones let you do that now) and an arrow just about my head....and off it was sent. She just thought this was the funniest thing. That it was necessary to tell people who I was, because I happen to be in many of her office desk selfies. Really, Seriously!!??!!
I am not going to talk about the fact that this picture went out into cyberspace, the fact that she was supposed to be working. Let's talk about the fact that I DO NOT like the picture!! I don't like the picture at all. It may have come and gone within 10 seconds, but that picture is now stuck in my head now. I can't get it out. I can't believe it - am I really that size. Wow - I look awful. That picture is NOT flattering!!! NOT flattering at all.
That picture - not 1,000 words, but 10,000 words.