Friday, November 18, 2011

Maestro - a little inspiration, please!

I have been struggling for the last week or so. Not that I don't want to be on this weight loss journey anymore, or not that I have not been getting a lot of inspiration or not that I haven't had some great compliments lately, just not been doing all that I can be doing to make the scale go down rather then up. This is my own inner struggle.

The feeling that I keep having that says to me "maybe you are not comfortable with a new you?" Is that the case? I mean, if I keep losing weight will I still be the same me? Why not keep losing? Am I afraid that I will have to keep buying new clothes that I will not be able to wear for very long - then what was the point of buying them? Am I really that comfortable with this weight? Why am I at a stand still? What is holding me back?

I know, all of the above might sound silly. Is there another reason? Am I afraid of all the positives and just waiting for the negative effect? Why would anyone be waiting for the negative when the positive is the best part!!! Like when a person says - "Wow - you look so good", but in my head I hear them say - "wonder when she will gain it back" or when a person says "How did you do it, what is your secret" and then you share it and the whole time I am wondering, am I really that motivational to others? Again - just my inner struggle I am dealing with at the moment.

I really have been thinking about this a lot. I really do believe there is that fear. Fear of success. Believe me - I don't think I am lazy, that I want to sleep past my alarm clock, that I don't want to sweat, that I am just finding other things to do with my time - I really do feel there is a fear inside me that is not giving me the chance to find a new thinner me. I just can't seem to scream and let it out. What is holding me back?

Am I afraid to be in a new me? Am I just too comfortable the way I am? (there is that sentence again) I ask myself that question many times and it is always NO!!! Why can't that NO give me the push I really need. Just doing the basics is not going to make it all happen for me. It is like Mer said the other day "where do you want to be" !! I just need to realize that there is a NEW me waiting to get out!!! Turn the key, open the door - what am I waiting for?

I decided that I need to make a list - kind of like a music conductor - a famous Maestro - looking to create an inspirational song - one that will keep me going each day. The 44th chapter of my life is just beginning - so much to see, do and experience - looking for that HUGE spark again!

Mo's Kick It Into Gear List 

No Excuses

Do What It Takes

Do It To Be Healthy

Do It For Yourself

Do It For Your Son

Do It To Do More

Do It To Be Noticed

Do It Because You Can

You Can Do It!!!

No Excuses

4 comments:

Dawn said...

I'm in the same place, pushing myself to achieve in what feels like a struggle - and it never used to, I'm hoping its just a phase and I will push through and emerge still on track in easier times.
I am right alongside you at this point in the journey...trying to understand why and having lots of theories when the simple truth is I'm just finding it hard!
Keep on going, we can do this, we will be celebrating goal success, we will get there xxxx

deanna said...

I love your list! Maybe put it someplace you will see it everyday???

I love that you are so encouraging to other bloggers, I wish I had the words to keep you motivated. But hey, you already made a whole list!

You can do it!

Maren said...

"I mean, if I keep losing weight will I still be the same me?"

I think you will be the same you, only healthier and with a better sense of self-worth. Not saying that you have a poor health or a low self-worth right now.. but you get the point.

I'm more worried about NOT changing, than changing. We should always be changing in some way or another, even if it's just a matter of small things. I think the day we feel like we don't need to change or grow or whatever other word fits .. that's the end.

Christina @ Just Running said...

I can totally relate! I'm still a size 16, and some days I convince myself that this is just the size I'm meant to be. I'm healthy enough and happy, so why make any more effort than I'm making now?

We deserve, we owe it to ourselves, to be our best, happiest, healthiest selves. Why settle for pretty good when it just takes a little bit more to have and be great? Life will be different on the other side, and change can be scary. We can handle it.